Escalation of osculation. Time and oranges.

• Apparently it's not a given that kissing is important in courtship & mating, though (at least in the particular studies reported here) not as much for men. The consistently delightful VS Ramachandran suggests that kissing stimulates mirror neurons that, ostensibly, "promote empathy and reduce inhibitions". Obviously (to me, unfortunately not always to those I have smooched), empathy and reduced inhibitions is important for certain types of good, ahem, interpersonal relating. Why some people don't like kissing, or are just plain icky at it, seems like a societal issue, or at least one to which one should apply a good deal of introspection (and more practice with a vocal collaborator). Such folk are not going to last long in my dating pool (though, unfortunately, even the rare seemingly divinely endowed kissers have not yet found a way to stay afloat). Though it does make me wonder about the kissing plebian's state of mind in regard to attachment. It does not seem unreasonable to assert that someone with a dismissive state of mind would not want to get all mooshy and gooey (and empathic and uninhibited) with the kissing and would prefer to go straight to copulating. And then drive off onto the lonely highway. Likewise, someone with a preoccupied state of mind might want to kiss and kiss and kiss until repetitive lip injury occurs. Perhaps there's a study there!


• On an entirely unrelated note (though good kissing and pondering this topic are not so dissimilar, at least on some level), here's a delightful, interactive article on time space, travel, using oranges and other household items as educational props. Perhaps good date night material, before the smooching. Or a Family Home Evening activity!

Econometrics of sex & 'happiness'

...the economists compared the levels of happiness produced by a vigorous sex life with other activities whose economic values had been calculated in prior research, allowing them to impute, in dollars, how much happiness sex was worth. They also estimated that increasing the frequency of sexual intercourse from once a month to at least once a week provided as much happiness as putting $50,000 in the bank.

New York Times Week in Review: Sex May Be Happiness, But Wealth Isn't Sexiness

The Insiders

Cormac McCarthy Writes a Letter to The Editor of the Santa Fe New Mexican, by John Kennan

thanks monstromo for the alert!

overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out

• Arthur C. Clarke wrote, in addition to many books, stories & such, 2001: A Space Odyssey (along w/ Kubrick). Apparently very unhappy with how it all turned out, poor Art. I myself have not yet seen it; holding out until I can see it on the big screen.


• Charlton Heston. Had he not starred in one of the best films of all time I might not have such a tender spot for the ol' curmudgeon (Michael Moore's melodramatic exploitation of the early-Alzheimer's era Chuck likely contributed to the smooshiness).


• Albert Hoffman. What my teenage years would have been like without the work of this man, I can't say. Died a centenarian. Believed that natural scientists could not avoid becoming mystics. Worked in cycle after cycle with ergot fungus, one compound resulting in methergine, an effective treatment for puerperal hemorrhage. The 25th compound was lysergic acid diethylamide. [Interestingly, during my own puerperal strife I had a healthy injection of methergine that resulted in reminiscent physical sensations, sans psychedelia. Now *that* was trippy.]


• David Foster Wallace. No, I have not read Infinite Jest, and I'm not sure I'll ever read it in its entirety. But I appreciate that he did nearly everything, including writing, including tennis, and hanging himself (though this is the work I would have preferred he leave off in favor of writing another article for Gourmet about lobster season). Though I will never, ever appreciate the endless "brightest stars are always horribly tormented" eulogistic ranting all over the internet.


• Martha. I miss her.

barf on xmas eve

• Discussing forming a sibling book club; Brother suggests Vonnegut. I say 'Vonnegut makes me barf', and continue with the ways in which Vonnegut makes me barf, until Brother misunderstands and thinks my discourse includes the phrase 'insolent barf'. Someone else contributes 'insouciant barf'. Ultimately decide on a Cormac McCarthy novel. More on that, later.


• After the discussion including insouciant barf, the topic turns to food, and Father invokes The Beets and The Peas. Reminiscent of last year's culinary challenge of creating a dish using mushrooms and grapefruit, Brother presents another culinary challenge using the aforementioned barforifics. More on that, later.


• I suggest to Manfriend we make a pleasure trip to Costco: Interesting exercise in patience, people watching, and manipulating the emotional states of shoppers by making unexpected eye contact with strategic facial expressions ensuing. Plus there's all the stuff to look at. Purchase a large quantity of toilet paper. Manfriend is more animated with the shopping cart than expected, but no one is insulted. The scrapbook supply aisle reeks of a recent barfing. All in all a pleasant excursion.


• Withered Leg Reunion. Decide that some songs could be comprised of the title sung over and over and over, with generous refrains of "Oh Lord!" To make this topical, we should definitely do a number about barfing. And The Lord.

Smart People, Geekines Ensues

Viewed irritating Smart People, and was consequently compelled to watch again only slightly irritating Good Will Hunting. SP lacked the aesthetic chops of GWH (the former full of caricatures & contrivances, but it was geeky fun to see such a clear example of copy process* in the overachieving, misanthropic-but-lonely daughter), but the ending was more plausible. There was no indication that the wounded, once basically capable, interpersonally pricklish professor experienced major personality change, only that he finally thawed some as a result of important relationships. "Will Hunting", on the other hand, went from emotionally broken to 'healed' and gloriously in love in what was portrayed as only a few months. But his character didn't merely need a thaw, he needed long term, interpersonal, reconstructive therapy, which, of course, is incompatible with a movie timetable. The therapy wasn't "bad" per se, but the catharsis model (muck about until the traumas are uncovered and at last have a good, healing cry) doesn't work so well. Certainly not for changing the 'wiring'. And certainly not a helpful ending for us saps who get all dreamy over the intellectually gifted but emotionally/interpersonally bereft.





*Excerpt from abstract: Studies connecting childhood experience and adult psychopathology often focus on consequences of abuse and neglect. Copy process theory (Benjamin, 2003) states that constructive as well as destructive experiences shape adult behavior with surprising interpersonal specificity. Childhood perceptions and social learning are encoded in memory and then “copied” in 3 basic ways in subsequent relationships: Identification (behaving as he or she behaved), Recapitulation (behaving as one behaved when with him or her), and Introjection (treating oneself as he or she was treated). From Critchfield, K.L. & Benjamin, L.S (2008). Internalized representations of early interpersonal experiences and adult relationships: A test of copy process theory in clinical and non-clinical settings. Psychiatry: Interpersonal & Biological Processes, 71, 1, 71-92.

You are what you ate

Nice, skeletal sum of attachment theory, childhood into adulthood, invoking (at the end) the linguistic implications of adult attachment (i.e., the stuff I look for when coding Adult Attachment Interview transcripts, and when I listen to patients talk about their parents/early experiences/contemporary intimate relationships). Maybe a little jargony for the layperson, but sparsely so.

The child seeks the caregiver's security and protection for many reasons, but particularly in moments when he or she is frightened or in danger. Thus, careseeking often takes place in moments of high affective arousal, arousal that is then--optimally--regulated by the caregiver And by virtue of her role as regulator and container of that affect, the mother's response to the infant's affect becomes a part of that affective experience.

Children quickly figure out how to seek care in a way that will minimally disrupt their vital relationship to their caregiver. One of the things they must learn in this process is which affects are tolerable to caregivers, and which are not. They learn this via the repetition [...] of a particular relational drama around the expression of careseeking. Over time, their efforts to regulate their affects in such a way as to maintain their primary relationships become organized into what attachment theorists refer to as attachment patterns [....], characteristic ways of seeking care from and preserving closeness with the caregiver. And it is these ways of protecting the other and ultimately the self from affects that disrupt careseeking and caregiving that become internal representations of attachment or -- in analytic terms -- central aspects of psychic structure.

Because the survival of infants is dependent upon success in their careseeking efforts, these are psychologically and physically critical events. Without proximal care and containment, infants cannot function [...]. Thus, they must shape themselves (and their experience of affect and arousal) to ensure that their needs are met. They must obtain care, at whatever cost to their functioning. Aspects of self-experience, and especially affective experience, that preclude the maintenance of attachment relationships are disavowed reversed, fragmented, or dissociated. Knowing, thinking, and feeling emerge within the context of maintaining vital connections, [snip]. Children quickly learn what kinds of thoughts and emotions can be borne within the context of their primary attachments. It is within his or her earliest relationships that a child's core sense of self in relation to arousal, to affect, and to careseeking is laid down [...].

In adults, these same patterns are reflected in the way an adult regulates affect within the structure of narrative. Early moments of regulation live on in the structure of speech, of thought, and of affects. When we listen carefully to the contradictions, dysfluencies, and disruptions in narrative, we are witnessing the representation in language and thought of early dyadic experinces of disrupted careseeking and dysregulation.

From Slade, A. (2007). Disorganized Mother, Disorganized Child. In D. Oppenheim & D.F. Goldsmith (eds.) Attachment theory in clinical work with children: Bridging the gap between research and practice (pp. 226-250). New York: Guilford Press.