in summary

• Both theist and atheistic purviews are relatively easy to cultivate. I can, if given time and the proper inputs, develop religious beliefs and the conditions for which so-called religious/spiritual experiences occur. It may be that I have an atheistic baseline; after all, atheism does not preclude feelings of wonder and awe, or even the sense of being part of a larger whole (though, despite ideological wishes to the contrary, this is not an especially familiar feeling).


• Creating the circumstances in which infatuation and potential love-type feelings are likely to occur is not so difficult as one would imagine. It's those (rare) occasions in which I've been unexpectedly smitten (meaning socked in the guts such that normal functioning is impaired) by an unlikely party that continue to leave me baffled, psychoanalytic explanations aside.


• Whether it sounds clichéd or not, raising a child has been the most important, most valued endeavour of my life. My own psychotherapy falling second. Developing intimate relationships with a select few, over time, though we may share physical proximity only on occasion, is either tied with the psychotherapy or a close third.


• Over the phone this afternoon, my son successfully coached me to operate the dagburnt VCR at L's house so I could watch the Presidential debate. So I'm a mother; it's really real.


• Habitual responses to others, no matter how socially desirable or seemingly noble, feel more and more empty. This includes the desire to soothe, to assist, to make comfortable, the care-taking instinct. Not that any of these things are inherently undesirable, but I'm wary of my own proclivities.


• State dependent learning bites. I haven't had a satisfactory dance experience (aside from tango) since moving out of my house.